Above: The GamesRadar office prides itself in being a "nerd friendly" environment, a place where geeks of all kinds can roam free and unmolested. But there's no way we'd turn down the opportunity to punch Zack in the gut and dump his books
Despite the constant references to classic games and movies (Doom, Zombies Ate My Neighbors, Die Hard, even Bruce Campbell referred to by name), most of the time your character just loops annoying phrases or prompts you towards something that isn't even happening. (No, you did not improve your melee skill, jackhole.)
As unimportant as the story may be, it's the one thing that may have saved the buggy, floaty, hack-and-slash-fest that is the meat of Monster Madness. We also know a humorous and frantic shooter such as this has little use for accurate physics. And as entertaining as it is to watch a 90-pound geek kick around a giant mecha-robot and see it flop with the same rag doll motion as an undead Chihuahua, it doesn't imply an attention to detail, and similarly, piloting haphazard vehicles is an absolute chore. Except the swan; it was so absurd, we didn't care that it controlled badly.