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IGN Review of Disney Cory in the House
Remember when Kyle Massey was just playing Raven Symone's fat mischievous brother on That's So Raven? Normally when the kid outgrows his role they just get a new little kid. In Kyle Massey's case he got so freakishly large that he was actually making Raven seem skinny by comparison. As Disney is wont to do with their overweight, unfunny actors they gave Massey his own gimmicky sitcom and let him sing the theme song. He's pretty much Raven with junk, so it makes sense that Handheld Games developed the game for his spinoff series since they did the games for Raven's other endeavors. Cory in the House is a fitting game for the series since, just like the show, it's as awful as its predecessor.
Now how do you top a spinoff series about a psychic high schooler? By giving him an equally ludicrous, if not less paranormal, premise: living in the White House. Cory's Dad (did the parents get a divorce? What happened?) is the new head chef at the White House for President Richard Martinez. I know what you're thinking, "A minority president? Like that will ever happen!"
Despite pretty much being the child of a servant, Cory acts like the man of the White House. He's always scheming something, which kind of makes him like a less funny Keenan and Kel (which is saying something since they weren't funny to begin with). This time it's trying to sell President Martinez bobbleheads to the good people of Washington DC. Unfortunately the evil Toymaker sabotages the bobbleheads to make them hypnotize people. Oh snap!
Much of Cory in the House is an adventure game, like That's so Raven and The Cheetah Girls. In fact, it seems Handheld Games just used the same engine. The same engine from the previous crappy game. The one with the clunky controls, the odd camera angle, and the piss-poor graphics. Do you hate kids, Handheld Games? Why do you keep making games that are hard to control and look terrible when you know they're for children? It hurts me on the inside, fellas.
Controlling Cory is like controlling a zamboni. It's fitting since he's about the size of one. Seriously, do you think they tape down his chest so his moobs don't show? The chubby protagonist bumps around along hallways. Nearly every level is hallways. The White House, the school, nothing but hallways. Even the mall is just big hallways. Along the varied halls are rooms to enter usually to find some item then turn back around and wander down more hallways.
The adventure is just so completely boring. We're sneaking past secret service agents, and throwing exploding pastries at hypnotized teachers and it's still dull. All you're really doing is walking from point A to point B so you can talk to people.
The conversations are evil too. As dumb as the show this game is based on is, I did manage to crack a smile occasionally while watching it on the Disney Channel. The game makes absolutely no attempt to be clever and instead makes jokes that are so dumb it's hard to tell if they're even supposed to be funny. Luckily the game incorporates canned laughter to tell me when to laugh. Thanks game! I didn't know if the line, "I'm so brave, I don't even eat chicken!" was hilarious or not, but your tinny, lifeless chortling told me to guffaw my heart out!
Hey Cory in the House has minigames too. Woo hoo. Much like The Cheetah Girls, there's an Elite Beat Agents style rhythm game. As much as I ragged on The Cheetah Girls (and rightly so) at least that game featured real songs. Cory in the House has some stale midi cacophony to accompany a rhythm game that doesn't even bother to follow the rhythm of the fake song. the game is not fun at all and as often as it comes up in the game you'd think the developer would have put a little more work into it. Seriously there are plenty of Disney games with much better rhythm games and Handheld Games has even developed one of them!
In addition to the rhythm game are numerous other minigames which are not so much games as jobs. People get paid to rewire electrical cirsuits. And entering numbers into a keypad is not a game. If this is what the developers consider fun then they might be more boring than Amish people.
©2008-04-25, IGN Entertainment, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Now how do you top a spinoff series about a psychic high schooler? By giving him an equally ludicrous, if not less paranormal, premise: living in the White House. Cory's Dad (did the parents get a divorce? What happened?) is the new head chef at the White House for President Richard Martinez. I know what you're thinking, "A minority president? Like that will ever happen!"
Despite pretty much being the child of a servant, Cory acts like the man of the White House. He's always scheming something, which kind of makes him like a less funny Keenan and Kel (which is saying something since they weren't funny to begin with). This time it's trying to sell President Martinez bobbleheads to the good people of Washington DC. Unfortunately the evil Toymaker sabotages the bobbleheads to make them hypnotize people. Oh snap!
Much of Cory in the House is an adventure game, like That's so Raven and The Cheetah Girls. In fact, it seems Handheld Games just used the same engine. The same engine from the previous crappy game. The one with the clunky controls, the odd camera angle, and the piss-poor graphics. Do you hate kids, Handheld Games? Why do you keep making games that are hard to control and look terrible when you know they're for children? It hurts me on the inside, fellas.
Controlling Cory is like controlling a zamboni. It's fitting since he's about the size of one. Seriously, do you think they tape down his chest so his moobs don't show? The chubby protagonist bumps around along hallways. Nearly every level is hallways. The White House, the school, nothing but hallways. Even the mall is just big hallways. Along the varied halls are rooms to enter usually to find some item then turn back around and wander down more hallways.
The adventure is just so completely boring. We're sneaking past secret service agents, and throwing exploding pastries at hypnotized teachers and it's still dull. All you're really doing is walking from point A to point B so you can talk to people.
The conversations are evil too. As dumb as the show this game is based on is, I did manage to crack a smile occasionally while watching it on the Disney Channel. The game makes absolutely no attempt to be clever and instead makes jokes that are so dumb it's hard to tell if they're even supposed to be funny. Luckily the game incorporates canned laughter to tell me when to laugh. Thanks game! I didn't know if the line, "I'm so brave, I don't even eat chicken!" was hilarious or not, but your tinny, lifeless chortling told me to guffaw my heart out!
Hey Cory in the House has minigames too. Woo hoo. Much like The Cheetah Girls, there's an Elite Beat Agents style rhythm game. As much as I ragged on The Cheetah Girls (and rightly so) at least that game featured real songs. Cory in the House has some stale midi cacophony to accompany a rhythm game that doesn't even bother to follow the rhythm of the fake song. the game is not fun at all and as often as it comes up in the game you'd think the developer would have put a little more work into it. Seriously there are plenty of Disney games with much better rhythm games and Handheld Games has even developed one of them!
In addition to the rhythm game are numerous other minigames which are not so much games as jobs. People get paid to rewire electrical cirsuits. And entering numbers into a keypad is not a game. If this is what the developers consider fun then they might be more boring than Amish people.
©2008-04-25, IGN Entertainment, Inc. All Rights Reserved