For one low, low price, you too can have arousing genocidal witchcraft in your home
Because Americans are addicted to ultra-slaughter, apocalyptic demolition, raunch culture, and corny movie dialogue, here’s the value meal combo game the U.S. public has been clamoring for. So what if they stared at a flickering box while advertisers commanded them to clamor for it. It’s yours for only one tiny payment of $49.99!
That’s right friends, you’ll get strutting females in medieval whore costumes, guns as tall as you, mass blood-flooded murders, city destructions, and masterpieces of modern cut-scene cinema starring a man named Maxwell Cougar. All this packed onto one disc! That’s a $10,000 value, for $10 less than those other 360 games.
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While the gleaming moments of Bullet Witch aren’t worth 10 grand, they’re still blindingly pleasurable. Like running on top of a jet tilting through the clouds while slinging lightning at a leviathan, even as you frantically shotgun gangs of monstrous eyeballs mounting a mindlessly dogged barrage to bore through the plane.